How are you doing? How am I doing?

Just as the ivy that grows on a windowsill requires water and light, our friendships need care and nourishment. We might wish that a good friend would be there whenever we wanted. But we get so busy scrambling to cover all the bases in our lives that we lose touch with friends, even with our partner. We neglect even to ask, "How are you doing?" "How am I doing?"

In spite of our busyness, the time we take for a brief telephone call can make us feel more relaxed and less busy. These seemingly small attentions are important to friendships and instill the spirit of human warmth and care into our lives. It reminds us again of what gives us meaning and opens us up to the affectionate feelings in our partnership.

Call a friend you have not seen for a while just to renew your connection.

If you're dog-tired at night, it may be because you growled all day.

Negative attitudes wear us out. Assuming the worst will happen, focusing on just our faults, constant complaining, are attitudes that bring us down. If we stumble on a flight of stairs and feel embarrassed, it's going to feel even worse if we growl and curse. We'll feel much better if we laugh at ourselves and see the humor.

People want to be around those who are cheerful. The good cheer we send out will come back to us from others who are healthy. We can choose these cheerful people as our friends, and our happiness will grow and blossom in this good soil.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

We laugh when others do something silly. We're amused when something funny happens to them. But if the same happens to us and people laugh, we might give them the evil eye.

Yet, when others laugh, it can free us. It frees us to see the world through new eyes. Likewise, when we laugh at ourselves, we're free to see ourselves with new eyes. Instead of trying to be perfect, we accept we're human. To laugh at ourselves is to accept ourselves. There's no room for shame when we laugh. We enjoy ourselves just as we are.

My brother and I at Jenn's wedding July/10

I don't always get to know why things happen.

I may spend hours, even days, trying to figure out why bad things have happened to me. I may get caught up in trying to understand other people, situations, and even my own thoughts.

Today I will accept that I don't have to know why things are the way they are. Instead I can pay attention to healing, growing, and learning

Hear the speech, not the speaker

"It is the privilege of wisdom to listen," Oliver Wendell Holmes once wrote. If I try as hard as I can to cultivate the art of listening - uncritically and without making premature judgments - chances are great that I'll progress more rapidly in my journey. If I try as hard as I can to listen to the feelings and thoughts expressed - rather than to the "speaker" - I may be blessed with an unexpectedly helpful idea. The essential quality of good listening is humility. Does a holier-than-thou attitude sometimes close my mind to the shared suggestions of others?

This is Confusing

When you know a thing, to hold that you know it, and when you do not know a thing, to allow that you do not know it: this is knowledge.
-- Confucius

Thank You

Thank you is one of the most important things we can say to anyone. Thank you packs a lot of meaning into two little words. Thank you says, "I see you. I see what you have done for me. You have been kind to me. I know it takes work to be kind. I feel special that you did the work of being kind to me. I am grateful.